When Your Best Is Not Good Enough

Meet Rick

Rick, a practicing lawyer in California, seems optimistic, confident, and successful.

His meticulous appearance, his luxury car, and his prestigious home are symbols of his achievements. It was essential to Rick that his wife and his kids looked perfect too. He spends a lot of energy showing the outside world know that he has an extraordinary life.

Keeping up the appearance of happiness and success drains Rick’s energy. His tension headaches lead to overeating and drinking too much. These have become crutches that help him keep up the facade. — Proving that he is exceptional drains most of his energy.

The truth is that Rick is insecure. Despite his success, he felt like a failure, a loser, and a phony. His impossibly high standards set him up for believing that he is not doing his best.

Rick’s Problem?

What was his problem? Rick’s best efforts were never satisfactory in his own eyes. After we talked, a light bulb went off in his mind. He soon discovered the root of this problem. As a kid, his parents’ demands and criticism caused him to feel like a loser. Rick says, “No matter how hard I tried, or what I accomplished, it was never enough.”

These situations are common. Early programming/conditioning covers a lot of territories. Some parents of high achievers placed expectations that became hardships for their children.

After his parents passed away, Rick became his own critic. He never enjoyed or acknowledged his successes. He felt like he never did enough.

Rick fits the description of having low self-esteem with a feeling of inadequacy. He created a persona. His persona looked successful and accomplished. — Meanwhile, inside, he felt inadequate, flawed, and deficient. Rick told himself, “whatever I do is not good enough.”

Early Programming/Conditioning

Professionals can often come from parents that pushed them to succeed. They place high expectations on their sons and daughters. Lawyers from these childhood origins end up putting unrealistic expectations upon themselves.

As adults, they easily portray a particular image. Appearances and what others think become the number one driving force. These patterns rob lawyers of happiness, contentment, and peace of mind. A habit such as this causes individuals to judge themselves and others harshly.

Signs of Harsh Judgment of Oneself

1. Negatively comparing oneself to others
2. Unrealistic expectations of oneself
3. Constantly criticizing oneself or others
4. Depression, feeling like a failure
5. Lack of motivation, what’s the use?

How to Let Your Best Be Good Enough

A realistic self-image, being aware of your faults and limitations is a good beginning. Next, you want to begin to appreciate and value yourself. Acknowledge your mistakes and imperfections. Sure, you may have physical or emotional scars, but you can overcome them. Once you learn to be generous with yourself, you will be kind and more accommodating to your family and friends.

Become genuine. Let go of the need to impress others. Become a person of excellence and nurture healthy growth and development. Even if you come from a family where you felt judged harshly, you don’t have to continue to be harsh with yourself.

It is time to get to know yourself and to begin expressing your own authentic feelings.

Again, stop basing your worth on what others think. Focus on yourself, and applaud your strengths.

It is time to evaluate your ideas and make sure that they fit your goals and objectives. It is time to define who you really are.

“Sometimes doing your best is not good enough. Sometimes you must do what is required.” — Winston Churchill

Steps To Let Good Enough Be Good Enough

• Relinquish the need to be in control by striving to be the “best”
• Stop being a people pleaser. It is not your job to make everyone happy.
• Give up the need to impress and stop sacrificing your true feelings to please others.
• Recognize that you have a choice over your early conditioning. Choose compassion and kindness to yourself.
• Reevaluate your standards. Initiate standards that set you up to win.
• Avoid criticizing yourself.
• Incorporate practices that help you to believe in yourself.

Practicing these steps can help anyone. Especially if you have been stuck in a behavior pattern of “not being good enough.” These steps will allow you to overcome this self-sabotaging habit.

Rick Overcomes His Self-Sabotaging Patterns

Rick had a choice and decided to get off of the tight rope and become authentic. He began to enjoy his law practice. Also, he began to love his wife again deeply.

Rick says, “I no longer act as a judge of my wife and children. We are beginning to relate and have fun together. I don’t want to keep making the same mistake with my children.”

Rick built up his self-esteem and enjoys peace of mind.

By making this choice for yourself, you, too, can enjoy the reward of being truly successful.